Grrrrrrr. I was going to start to write this post a while ago but it's now coming up to midnight and I'm feeling rather tired.

Well, a lot's happened since I last wrote my blog and the main reason it's taken so long is the fact that life has been rather hectic over the past few months. When I returned back to Liverpool I was straight back on placement which was really tiring after having a bit of a break. Not only was I back on placement but I was doing long days which I've never done before (7am-8.30pm) and on top of that my deadlines were starting to come into focus on the horizon and therefore I was attempting to do uni work as well. I returned to Alder Hey and did a two week placement on the neonatal surgical unit (new born babies) which was rather interesting although I was so scared of "breaking" a baby though and most were rather poorly. Following this placement I went onto the cardiac (heart) unit for two weeks. Those of you with brilliant memories will remember that I've been there before and didn't enjoy it - mainly because there was a lot of backstabbing and little support for the staff. The level of support hadn't changed but I actually felt like I was needed on the ward (exactly what I needed) and was pushed to actually be a "nurse"!!!

All of this time I was also attempting to do uni work since my deadlines were 22nd February. I had 3 assignments (2 4,000 words and 1 3,000 words) and a 10 mintue presentation to complete which was rather pants. I have no idea how I managed to get it all done apart from the fact that God kept me going.

When I'd finished placement I had one week (10 days) before my deadline to complete my assignment but this was also the Christian Union's mission week and also annual ball. Well, the ball was amazing and everyone looked lovely. I will try and put some photos on later. What a day that was though. This year the ball was on a Friday and I was still on placement so I ended up working the Friday morning (getting up at 5.15) and then I had to go to the hairdressers straight from work. Those of you in the "know" will know that my hair colour hasn't been natural now for about year which has started to annoy me since my roots have made me look more and more like a shunk! So, the opportunity therefore lay in front of me to do something about it. This involved two bleach baths, a hair dye and since it was the ball, my hair curled. All in all it took 2 hours in the hairdressers! Some how I still managed to stay at the ball until the very end though. Anyway, the mission week was really good, although I wasn't able to go to all of the evening events due to previous commitments. I haven't seen the feedback as yet from the overall mission week but from what I personally saw, it was very encouraging.

So, I got my work all handed in, eventually, and I'd booked a holiday since I may not get one again for a very long time. After repeatedly asking a number of people if they could come away with me, I eneded up going on my own - to Tunisia. Photos will follow at some point soon as well. Well, those of you who have any knowledge of Tunisia are probably screaming at the screen right now calling me a fool - and I agree with you. Never before have I been hounded by so many people EVER to the point where I wanted to hide in my hotel room. This instinct to hide though was not just because of the hounding though. I had been in the country for less than 24 hours and I was groped by someone. I wasn't just a pinch on the bum or something like that which is kinda why I'm mentioning it. I won't go into details, just because I'm trying not to think about it in too much detail. I'm kinda OK with it at the moment although this "OK" is rather like a roller coaster and therefore frequently goes up and then down. I have a few people who know details and I know are there for me which I know is making such a difference since I know I could so easily fall back into feeling depressed.

Anyway, I'm presently at home for a couple of days which should be nice and I'll try and uput the photos on soon and I'll attempt to blog something a little sooner next time - lol

LCCU Houseparty

Yes, I know. Those of you who read this who go to Liverpool City Christian Union will know that the houseparty was at the end of November but I've only just got round to write something about it. The main thing that I want to say is something that I was thinking for a while, but God really gave me kick up the backside at the houseparty.

For those who didn't get to the weekend or haven't heard about it, we went to Cefn Lea in mid-Wales for a weekend where we had the opportunity to get to know each other better and also had the chance to study the book in the Bible Haggai. Many people haven't heard of the book and even if they have then few people actually know where it's found in the Bible. The Bible teaching was really good and I know that most people found it extremely challenging. From a personal point of view, I found it especially challenging. For some time God had been challenging me to speak up more for Him to those around me, although I'd often put it off. After the houseparty I've been really, really challenged to speak up for Christ or even just say that little bit more and, you know what (?), it works!!! I had a number of opportunities at work just because I said that little bit more to people. See! If we're only willing to be used by God then He WILL use us! If I was the kind of person to make New Years Resolution then "to say a little bit more" would definitely be number one!

On a totally different note I need to say something about work. Anyone who isn't in a medical loop and has been around me for any amount of time will probably ignore this bit but I just can't cope with anything to do with death. When I started back on placement I was on the oncology unit at Alder Hey (the cancer ward for children). I, to be honest, found it extremely hard. I just couldn't and can't really understand why and how much these children had to cope with! I hadn't really treated any children who were SO ill before and it really was hard for me. I've had two placements since ( 2 weeks each) and during those 4 weeks, 3 children I knew from the ward have died! I just really can't understand and during this season of Christmas, all I can think of are the families who now don't have their child to celebrate it with any more. My heart is with any of you who have lost someone recently! I can't understand how people can survive without God!

The JCB Christmas song

I can't believe that they've actually put this forward for a Christmas number one! Sadly it's got one swear word, but it's acually quite nice http://jcbsong.co.uk/. The video's cute as well

Abortion facts

Make a very intersting read
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=369922&in_page_id=1770&in_a_source=&ct=5

Life

I wonder, what was the last time that you sat down and actually thought about life? How fragile it is and how it is constantly changing? Normally I would say that this isn't really at the forefront of my mind, but this evening it is. This morning I was in theatre to see a visual guiding mechanism to assist in the removal of brain tumours. Some are probably thinking that this doesn't sound that interesting and sadly I can't tell you if it's correct or not. When I got into work, there was an emergency case on the list instead. It was a 14 year old boy who had been involved in a car accident which had resulted in an intercranial haemorrahge (a bleed on the brain). To give you and idea of the serverity of the case, the pressure was measuring at 55 - normally it's around 10!!! He was on the table for about 3-4 hours in total and although the bleed and the clot had been dealt with, things still didn't look good for him. I tried to ignore the fact that this boy had a high possibility of dying and tried to focus of the slim chance of him surviving. He died post operatively. He was only 14. All that keeps going through my head is the fact that only God knows where he is now. Maybe he was a Christian and therefore we can rejoice in his life, or maybe he'd never heard the gospel clearly. Does this not encourage you to tell anyone and everyone you meet??!! Who knows who's going to die next and we may be the only people to tell them about Christ. As many questions go through my head, the only thing I can hold onto is the fact that my salvation isn't based upon my grip on God, but more about His powerful, unfailing grip on me!

Well, I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to say, or rather, I know what needs to be said but how coherent it will be is an other question. I was planning to go to bed six minutes ago, but I really needed to get this out of my system. A lot of things have just come to a point and finally my emotional turmoil came to a head when I found myself crying, curled up in my bath tonight.

Yesterday was an unusual day, as a number of the students from my church did a SAS training kinda day which involved firstly building a shelter in Dalamere woods (think it should be upgraded to a Forrest though) and then we did some wide games which involved one of the three teams hiding and the other two finding them. Well, we hide second and as I was being dragged back to the base I ended up screaming to the person who was taking me because the ground was uneven and muddy and I was petrified of falling, yet she kept on pulling. Anyway, rather shaken up and feeling rather tired, it was now my turn to go hunting for the other team again. Well, I was looking so hard that I got lost. Actually, the looking was just a motion, I was more wondering round. It was then that I realised that the woods were rather bigger than I anticipated and ended up right the other side. I was lost for about 30-40 minutes which was totally terrifying. I had no idea where I was and where I needed to go (i.e I couldn't follow the setting sun!!!) Well, I finally got found, but it really shook me up and I was really angry at myself for getting lost and because I felt the others would be annoyed at me aswell.

Well, that was yesterday. Today hasn't been too bad, well, until about 2 hours ago. It's not that it was bad, more shocking. I go to the same church as my ex and that hasn't been too bad, until now. My friend proudly announced that she was going out with him! I know that I should feel happy for them both, although I am concerned that someone's going to get hurt, but I don't know how I feel. Once again it's been reminded of the fact that I'm still single. I know that that shouldn't matter, but it does - at least at this moment in time anyway. I've calmed down now anyway, but I still feel a mix of feelings about the whole thing.

On top of all this, I start placement tomorrow (oh the joy!). I'm kinda looking forward to being back on the ward again and working with kids, but this is my critical care placement and if I don't see anyone die then it will totally be by the grace of God. I start in oncology tomorrow for four weeks, then the burns unit (just after Bonfire night) for two weeks, then A&E just before Christmas for two weeks (Christmas is a peak time for suicides!!!). After Christmas I'm on the neonatal unit for two weeks and then the cardiac unit for two weeks. It's going to be hard and with my emotions all over the place it could be rather interesting. Please pray that I'll remember who I am in Christ and that I'll try and not get too emotionally involved with this kids.

Friends

Friends. An amazing thing aren't they?! I mean, who would have thought of have a closeness to an other human being? I mean, who would have imagined that if we didn't have that closeness with someone then we'd go mad? Well, they are kind of rhetorical questions since it was God who initiated friendships through creating Eve for Adam. He knew that Adam needed someone to be close with and that if he didn't that he'd go mad (and also wouldn't be able to procreate). And yet, although it was something created and ordained by God, why does it go wrong? Why is it that friends are taken away from us, move away and loose contact or fall out with us? Why isn't it perfect and why do people ignore us? Once again, I know this answer, but I think too often I forget it. Why does it surprise me that friendships can equally be affected by sin? I mean, if creation itself can be affected, sex and marriage are also affected then why can't friendships? I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this on my blog. I know why I've been thinking it through but I think that the more I realise that no matter how good a friendship may be it will always be not perfect because of sin. Lord, I pray that You will make me more patient and loving when friends are no longer as friendly as they once used to be. Lord, thank You that You are unchanging and that You will never be taken away from me, move away or fall out with me. Thank you that in a world of change and uncertainty I can trust in You.

Hannah's wedding more

Hannah's wedding more

Hannah's wedding